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Botmoj-mom

April 15, 2016

 

 

Is it wrong I am jealous of my brothers’ Bitmoji? Curly hair, cool smile, JFK Jr. slash Paul Ryan slash McDreamy. Or Albanian. Which he is told frequently. I don’t know. Apparently people from Albania look like him. Or Philadelphia. They look like him too.

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He actually truly looks like this. In a Bitmoji way. 

I just took back my bitmoji, in a an act of self claiming, self definition, traded in blue eyes for hazel and otherwise much to my dismay, I still look 8. 8 with wrinkles. It is my daughter, but it’s me, and you wouldn’t really know the difference.

On my phone I have folders (I didn’t create) and all these apps. I don’t know what they are and remember crowded pediatrician waiting rooms, and standing in lines at the super market, or waiting for a sibling’s game to finish and ‘Mom, can I get this game? It’s free’ and in a moment of weakness I say yes to plants that need to be watered and cats that need to be fed and Nasty Goats. What?! What is Nasty Goats?? And it’s enough taking care of my own plants and then I am in an Alumni Board Meeting, with deliverables, and decisions and all in favors and my phone is lighting up like a tree at Christmas imploring – Feed me. Help me. I need water. The virtual plant is dying. And it’s me, only me, who can save her.

My maternal oldest, caring for others hard wired into her DNA, with a virtual cat she puts to bed (what?!) and has purple eye shadow (an 80’s cat) and is pink (whatever) with eyelash extensions and my daughter says ‘Mom, not now, I have to feed my cat’ (from a bottle) and I am simply trying to create a routine with some basic chores and the cat gets her teeth brushed (twice for good measure) and is put to bed with a bonnet and blanket tucked up to her little furry whiskered chin.

And all I really want, like really want, is to watch a sitcom on the Disney channel or Nick that has parents, real living and breathing parents that are actually raising their children. Because it is like there is a generation of children raising themselves. They self created, split cells, split the atom, and here they are with amazing wardrobes, lots of make up, great hair, great shoes, and no parents. But that is what we have Brady Bunch re-runs for. It’s my ying and yang.

We watch commercials for food, that isn’t actually food. And my son asked why there are so many advertisements for medicine. Talk to your Doctor if … because in a Bitmoji world we self diagnose and we tell our Doctors the medical care we need. Medicine solves everything. Who needs med school anyway. That is what web MD is for.

Or maybe I need to hide away with my Brady Bunch re-runs and pretend I live in a world where grown ups and doctors call the shots and kids have chores, cats are real and furry, and you don’t ever brush their teeth or tuck them into bed with starched lavender scented white linens. Or maybe I’m just a kid from the 70’s and 80’s trying to make it in the world today. One bitmoji at a time.

Peace out. Mom.

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Written by Mary Kate O’Malley

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