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The Funniest Jokes on Earth

January 14, 2014


Written by my wonderful children in Gladwyne, PA – Marykate OMalley

 

My clever crew came up with the title to this post (we are understated in my house) as well as hand selected every joke and riddle. Introducing…. THE FUNNIEST JOKES ON EARTH! Like the Barnum Bailey of jokes. But better. Way better. Okay a LOT better. Maybe I am partial.

We are riddlers. And joke tellers. Me? I love a good bad joke. The cornier it is, the better. And my children collect riddles like people collect coins or cigars. Some riddles are solved quickly and others are meant to be savored and turned over again and again until finally – Aha! You have got it! My sweet Aunt and Uncle feed the kids riddles and then reward them with chocolate bars for solving them. And to their credit they really make them solve it which just builds the – “I need to know!” It’s equally fun to not know the answer to a riddle as it to figure one out.

 

June July 2013 333

My jokers last summer. Sigh, miss the warmth! 

 

We have shared some of our favorites with you. And one cliff hanger we got from our dear friends in CT to be answered in another post. I am going to make you wait. And see if anyone can get it. We heard this riddle at lunch recounted by my son’s best friend, shortly before our departure back to PA. And we were told the answer. Because with this riddle you need to be told. Unless you are a gifted riddler. And even with being told the answer it wasn’t until we were almost in Philadelphia, while my crew was engrossed in a movie when I let out an “I GET IT!” from the front of the car. Which caused them to exclaim, “what? what? you got what?” looking around bewildered. The only person I know who got it without being told the answer was my cousin who is an attorney. I think you need to go to law school to figure this one out.

And now let’s turn our attention to … The Jokes.

 

Knock, knock

Q – who’s there?

A – Doorbell.

Q – Doorbell who?

A – Why don’t you use the doorbell!

My son contributed this and I love it – and have to say I think this IS the funniest joke on earth.

June July 2013 331

Knock, knock

Q – Who is there?

A – Mable

Q – Mable who?

A – Mable I will answer, Mable I won’t!

Loveee this. Can you see me laughing?? Knee slapping?? You have to admit – this is good!

 

Q-  What kind of puppy did Count Dracula get?

A-     A Bloodhound.

 

Q- What do you call a sunbathing puppy?

A-     A hot dog

 

Knock knock

Q – Who is there?

A – Banana

Q – Banana who?

Knock knock

Q – Who is there?

A – Banana

Q – Banana who?

Knock knock

Q – Who is there????

A – Orange

Q – Orange who?

A – Orange you glad I didn’t say banana again!

I have been telling this really good bad joke since I was my kid’s age. We go wayyyy back.

 

Q – What do you call a pig that knows karate?

A – A pork chop!

 

Q- Why do bees have sticky hair?

A – Because they use honey combs

 

Q- What songs do little puppy’s like to sing?

A- Pup goes the weasel

 

Q – What did one wall say to the other wall?

A – Meet you at the corner.

 

And now, without further ado …. The Riddles.

 

Q-  A man lives at the second tallest building on earth. There is a fire in his apartment building, so he dives from his window and survives. How is this possible?

A-  He lives on the first floor.

 

Q- A rooster lays an egg at the top of a house which way does the egg roll?

A- It does not roll because roosters don’t lay eggs.

 

Q- What gets wetter the more it dries?

A – a towel

 

June July 2013 323

 

(This is the cliffhanger)

Q – You are lost in the woods. There is a fork in the road ahead, one fork leads home and the other to a bear’s cave. You don’t know what path to take. The paths look the same. You approach a house where identical twin brothers live. One always tells the truth, one always lies. You are allowed to ask only one question to find out the correct way home. What question do you ask?

A – ??????? If you want to guess post in the comments! There is a strange power in knowing the answer to a riddle especially if a difficult one. Imagine me wringing my hands and laughing darkly – mmmmwhaaaa haaahaaaa. The answer is mine – all mine!

And the answer – Mable I will answer, Mable I won’t! Okay, okay, I will. Because I am nice. And you won’t get it anyway for a while even after I tell you. Or maybe you will and that was just me. I hadn’t thought of that….

Now – who has some jokes and riddles to share!

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5 Comments »

  1. Celeste Won

      on January 14, 2014 8:15 am

    Which path will your brother tell me to take home? Then you take the other path. The dishonest brother will tell you that his brother will lead you to the bear’s cave and the honest brother will tell you that his brother will lie and lead you to the bear’s cave, also.

     

  2. Lauren

      on January 14, 2014 12:29 pm

    Really enjoyed this!!! Was knee slapping the whole way through! :)

     

  3. Heidi Farmer

      on January 14, 2014 3:56 pm

    Loved these, MK! Honestly, riddles just confuse me. I think it’s my short attention-span kicking in… I’ll just wait patiently for the answer…. :)

     

  4. Cathy

      on January 14, 2014 8:09 pm

    Had fun sharing these with the girls! Thanks!! Here’s a few of our favorites in return:
    – Knock Knock, Who’s there?, cowsgo, Cowsgo who?, cows don’t go who, cows go moo.
    – What is a scientist’s favorite mint? a: an experiment
    – What is the longest word in the dictionary? a: smiles (‘cuz there is a mile between the 2 s’s)
    – Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7,8,9 (seven ate nine).

     

  5. Marykate

      on January 14, 2014 8:16 pm

    Celeste – yes! Love that one.
    Cathy – love the cows!! hahaha! and love the 6 scared of 7 – my guys love that too!
    Thanks Lauren – best kind of laugh! XO

     

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