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Never Say Never

July 6, 2012

Written by Marykate Wurster, mother of three wonderful children, Riverside, CT


Photo courtesy of Rachel McGinn photography


When it comes to life, and especially children, so many of the things I said I would never do, well, I did. And frequently.

Here are some examples:

What I said: I would never feed my children primarily “kid’s food”. I would serve them fillet of sole and sushi to expand their palate and have children I could take to any restaurant.

What I did: For years, my children ate this. I told myself that since it was organic, it was good for them. But the reality is, my kids ate mac and cheese, and chicken nuggets almost exclusively for years.

Another example:

What I said: I would never be a mother who used Deceptively Delicious to sneak in fruits and veggies or accommodate a picky eater. That was ridiculous. I would simply serve those foods enough until my children grew used to them.

What I do: I have a picky eater. She has a short list of the fruits and veggies she eats. And after reading books on temperament and experiencing this first hand, I have a new take. I sneak in veggies any time I can. And I frequently have the blender going in the morning, making smoothies with fruits she would never have otherwise. See example below. Mango – she would never eat. Even strawberries, who doesn’t like strawberries? Apparently, my little sweetie.



What I said: I would never buy my children a wii or video games.

What I did: We have the wii, DS, DSi, ipods with games, leapsters and the list goes on. I tell myself it is okay because I limit them and use them as an incentive, primarily with my son. But the truth is, I am thinking about the x box – my son is obsessed with the sports games. See what I mean – I am sensing a pattern here.

Here my son is playing games on my phone during his sisters dance recitals. He sat through 2 full dress rehearsals, and 2 full dance recitals, all in one weekend. He earned the break, and brother of year award.


Another example:

What I said: I would never drive a minivan.

What I did: Years ago I found myself driving a minivan, with soccer balls rolling around in the trunk, next to the potty I carted about while potty training my son. I just looked around me and thought, how did this happen?… I am on my third minivan. And love it.

So here one conclusion. I need to change my approach. I am going to start saying the things I want to have happen, or want to do, will never be. For example, I will never, not ever, never, publish the children stories I have sent to the various black holes of the publishing world. It is not going to happen. Nope. Not ever. Not. one. story. Never.

Another idea, that probably makes more sense, is that I need to stop saying never. And replace it with – who knows, maybe, I will see, I am not sure. Kind of like the trick of replacing “but” with “and”. A good one from my HR days. So instead of saying “I like what you are saying but“… You say, “I like what you are saying, and“… I use it on my kids. It works well. They feel heard. You should try it, it’s better than saying never.

What are some of things you said you would “never” do as a mother. Come on now, I know you have them!


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  1. Heidi Farmer

      on July 6, 2012 10:24 am

    Oh man! I loved this post. And there are so many… One is that I thought I would be so much stricter with my kids. So my I never is… “I’d never let my kids get away with that…” And oh, I have. Whoops.


  2. Marykate Wurster

      on July 7, 2012 8:35 am

    So true Heidi!


  3. Tom O'Malley

      on July 14, 2012 2:47 pm

    Never say Never…. I miss you guys!! But Facebook helps keep the homesickness at bay.


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